我最终创建了一个检查，如果另一端是IPV6，则将端点“提升”到IPV6：

public static bool IsConnectionEstablished(this Socket socket)
{
    if (socket is null)
    {
        throw new ArgumentNullException(nameof(socket));
    }

    if (!socket.Connected) return false;

    var ipProperties = IPGlobalProperties.GetIPGlobalProperties();
    var tcpConnections = ipProperties.GetActiveTcpConnections()
        .Where(x => x.LocalEndPoint is IPEndPoint && x.RemoteEndPoint is IPEndPoint && x.LocalEndPoint != null && x.RemoteEndPoint != null)
        .Where(x => AreEndpointsEqual(x.LocalEndPoint, (IPEndPoint)socket.LocalEndPoint!) && AreEndpointsEqual(x.RemoteEndPoint, (IPEndPoint)socket.RemoteEndPoint!));

    var isConnected = false;

    if (tcpConnections != null && tcpConnections.Any())
    {
        TcpState stateOfConnection = tcpConnections.First().State;
        if (stateOfConnection == TcpState.Established)
        {
            isConnected = true;
        }
    }

    return isConnected;
}

public static bool AreEndpointsEqual(IPEndPoint left, IPEndPoint right)
{
    if (left.AddressFamily == AddressFamily.InterNetwork &&
        right.AddressFamily == AddressFamily.InterNetworkV6)
    {
        left = new IPEndPoint(left.Address.MapToIPv6(), left.Port);
    }

    if (left.AddressFamily == AddressFamily.InterNetworkV6 &&
        right.AddressFamily == AddressFamily.InterNetwork)
    {
        right = new IPEndPoint(right.Address.MapToIPv6(), right.Port);
    }

    return left.Equals(right);
}

在创建TCP客户端套接字时，可以向构造函数传递一个参数以显式使用ipv4地址

new TcpClient(AddressFamily.InterNetwork);